They say, what we look at is what we see. What we practice is what we become.
Both of these expressions can feel like indictments on days when I am being a C- person. When I have yet to workout and I keep saying its because I just washed my hair or I haven’t done laundry or I slept in and now it’s too hot to go outside. When I watch television for six hours in a day instead of doing literally anything else. When I get annoyed by texts and calls from friends because I would rather give my attention to doom-scrolling (cringe) the news. When I refuse to turn off that breakup album that always makes me sad even though I am not going through a breakup; I just think it sounds pretty. I could go on and on. (I have already.) So, how do we “fix” ourselves when we enter these downward spirals of apathy?
The simplest way to improve ones situation would be to use the expressions as a roadmap: change what you focus on, change your behavior. Enough people have theorized about burnout and exhaustion and mental health that I feel I’d be wasting all of our time to deconstruct each of the barriers to “cleaning one's room” right now. With this excuse in place, I will simply say that we know there are days when simple actions are far from easy. There are good habits that overtime allow us to crawl out of these “bad habit sinkholes” and develop the structure we need to prevent prolonged slippage into unhealthy territories. In the meantime, however, we are left with two questions: How can we cope with our C- personhood? And, with what habit should we be starting our self-improvement journey?
From my experience, the most effective way to revitalize ourselves from the drudgery of humanness is to create! I read a great article (or listened to a great podcast or watched a great documentary, who can ever remember) that advised as follows: In a good friendship, two people consume things together. In a great friendship, however, people make things together. I love thinking and talking about relationship building so much so that I would listen to a hermit postulate on the topic, so you know I gave this idea a good long ponder. I have since found it to be true. When I make dinner with a friend, the evening possesses an intimacy that would be much harder to gain if we had just brought our own dinners. I feel closer to members of a group project when we work together on all parts of a project rather than dividing it into individualized pieces. Wouldn’t, then, the transitive property apply here? Doesn’t it make sense that if we make something we are also improving our relationships with ourselves?
The only reason I feel capable of making this argument presently is because today I created something — and it made my day great. Without the three hours I spent working on some art, my day would have felt empty; I can guarantee you I would have sunk further into the hole I have been passively calling home for weeks. I also watched my mom create something. I watched her excitement and joy, her sense of accomplishment. While she cooked the Indian dessert seviyan (a delicious sweet noodle dish) and I painted, we both tried something new and made something significant to ourselves.
It’s hard not to feel like this argument is trite, given the wellness culture we are all so deeply seeped in. I can hear my intrusive thoughts whining, “be creative! really? you reallllllyyyy think that telling people to ‘just be creative’ has any value.” To which I believe I can pull off answering “yes.” Whether we like it or not, the most basic solutions can stand in when the “simplest” solutions are too difficult. Creating something is a kindness that we can do for ourselves. It is both a positive place for attention and a mode of action. It is a habit that can kickstart others. At the very least, it reminds us that we are capable of being kind to ourselves.
As always, I hope this email finds you well and leaves you better! Thank you so much for reading and supporting something I created ;) <3